Monday, December 8, 2014

Baby Update

 I thought I'd give an update on the baby front since this is why I started this blog.  It has definitely been therapeutic for me.  It helps me to write things down and I also don't get so many questions from so many people regarding the topic.  I definitely don't mind the questions, but I know some people might feel uncomfortable asking and this way it's out in the open.  

Many of you know that we went thru an IUI treatment (IUI info) last month and also know that it didn't work.  Because of some insurance things we found out about we decided to try again this month.  I chose not to tell anyone this time because of how hard it was on me emotionally last month when I found out it didn't work.  Unfortunately it didn't work this month either. 

I can't even begin to explain the heartbreak of having this not work for us.  I'm not sure what our next step will be but I have a meeting with my fertility doctor on Wednesday morning. 

I'm just going to put it out there for everyone.  Nothing anyone says to me will make me feel better.  Unless you've gone thru this and treatments yourself, you can't comprehend the pain and heartbreak I go thru every single month.  The emotional roller coaster is exhausting and there's a solid week out of every month where I'm straight up faking it.  I'm not writing this blog for people to pity me or feel bad for me.  I'm writing to get this stuff out of my head and heart and so those interested stay updated.  As encouraging as you may think you're being or the advice you're giving, remember I've heard it all.  I've researched it all.  I tell myself the same things over and over.  I just need/want my friends and family to understand it sucks.  

It sucks but please know that I still appreciate everyone's support and prayers.  I don't know what our next step in this experience will be for us but I pray for guidance and financial answers as well.  

I think my next post will be some sort of delicious Christmas baking thing....

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

My Soapbox for the Day

Carrie Underwood came out with a new song last week.  It's beautiful, moving and inspirational, with a very strong christian/biblical stance.  For me, it has touched me and spoken to me in a way I didn't realize I needed until I heard it.  I know I've said before that I am mildly (slightly more?) obsessed with her.  I love her voice and her music but mostly I love her steadfast faith and the fact that she doesn't let producers/managers/the public tell her she shouldn't be vocal about her faith in God.  She's not afraid of whatever public backlash there may be just because she loves God and doesn't care who knows it.  

Unfortunately, because of her beautiful song (which I'm sure has spoken to others, not just myself) atheists are screaming mad and demanding radio stations stop playing her song.  Because they don't believe in God.  

Look, I am a big believer in not judging others, it's not our place.  Do I fail at this at times?  Yes, of course, I'm only human.  I have to remind myself constantly to not judge someone, I don't know their life story, where they've come from, what kind of day they've had etc. Therefore, I will do my best not to judge you based on differing beliefs.  But I would NEVER demand that a friend/coworker/family member/stranger stop what they're saying and be silenced simply because I don't agree with them.  I mean, we live in America where our founders created a Bill of Rights that has established the freedoms we have in our country.  The very first amendment includes freedom of speech.  It was written with the original intention of making sure the government couldn't silence a citizen simply because they don't agree with them.  I highly doubt the government would get involved in banning a Carrie Underwood song but it won't stop radio stations if they are pressured enough.  

I guess my issue is, I as a Christian, am not demanding that atheists be silenced because I don't agree with them.  Why does one group of people get to bully and push around another simply because of differing opinions?  And yes, I'm serious when I say bully.  A bully is defined as someone who attempts to dominate or intimidate another they view as weaker Bully Definition.  Why do we focus so much on the bullies in our schools etc when they are only learning from the adults in the world around us?  Why do we as adults think we can essentially bully someone just because we don't agree or don't like them, then reprimand our children for doing the same to their peers?  

Thankfully Carrie has said what I would say to those that want to silence her,
 “Country music is different,” Underwood announced. “You have that Bible Belt-ness about it. I’m not the first person to sing about God, Jesus, faith, or any of that, and I won’t be the last. And it won’t be the last for me, either. If you don’t like it, change the channel."

Though I wish she didn't feel the need to justify it by saying "country music is different", at least she's not backing down and backtracking on her beliefs.

If you don't like it, change the channel.  I love it.

She has another beautiful song for our troops.  I won't share so as not to overload you all with Carrie but it's called Keep us Safe if you'd like to find it on youtube. 

Friday, August 29, 2014

Weddings, State Fair and New Babies!

August came with lots of fun things to do!  We got to go to Atlanta for a friend's wedding and got to see some great friends while we were there!  

And then there's the MN STATE FAIR!  For those that don't know, I'm mildly obsessed with the fair.  I've only got 1 visit under my far this year.  Joe and I plan on going tomorrow though as well!  My first visit was just me and my niece and nephew, Jaden and Skylar.  They let me take a few photos.  Jaden even insisted on taking a selfie with me =)

    Sky insisted on cross eyes in this pic          

 Here's a normal one

Selfie time!

Little farmers in the making!

In other fun news.....I decided to start fostering for the Animal Humane Society. You thought I meant "real" babies?! The only animals I'm taking right now are kittens and oh my goodness, are they so much fun!!!  They are all black and Joe calls them his ninjas. I've named them;
Princess Buttercup - The only girl in the group, is half the size of the boys but very vocal and holds her own against the boys really well!  Loves to cuddle right on your chest tucked under your chin.

 Brutus - The biggest and only longhair, he's kind of a loner, but totally chill.  Lets you pick him up and hold him like a baby and is super gentle.  When they get tuckered out he's the only one that will go nap across the couch from you instead of cuddling with you.
The Twins - working on names for each but I seriously can't tell them apart!  Both will purr immediately when you just touch or pick them up.  Both like to lay on your lap or right by you with their head on you when they need a nap. 

The Animal Humane Society needs fosters for kittens mainly because they aren't big enough to be adopted yet.  So I get them when they're really little and take care of them, bring them to vet rechecks where they get weighed and shots and basically just play till they weight enough  They are seriously so much fun and so adorable I can't hardly stand it.  I will have them a total of at least a month and will be so sad when I have to bring them back in.  We're welcome to have visitors come and meet them so just let me know if you wanna come play!  

I've also started a second job serving at a restaurant by my house.  It's newer and so delicious!  It's call Sonora Grill right on Lake street east of Hiawatha.  I'm working mostly lunch shifts but come see me and try it out sometime!

That's all the news right now other than being sad that its basically September which means summer is over =( I am definitely not looking forward to cold weather coming our way.  Except for cooking delicious feel good home cooked meals.....Chili for dinner tonight on this rainy Friday.

Have a Lovely Labor Day weekend everyone!  Be safe and have fun!

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Nashville, Grand Ole Opry, Carrie Underwood and Renewed Friendship!

Nashville was a success!  A quick trip with an old friend but packed with relaxation and new sites and of course, Carrie Underwood.  

Jen and Luke Fredrickson were kind enough to host me for the weekend and what wonderful hosts they were!  They fed me, drove me around and showed me the fun of Nashville.  And of course, we got to hang by their pool a few hours each day as well.  Can't get much better than that!  I've included a few pictures of the wonderful trip.  It was much needed and so enjoyable, I'm excited to go back and visit again soon.  Hopefully with my husband.  Maybe I can finally convince him to buy me some amazing cowboy boots. What better place than Nashville?!

If you aren't familiar with the Opry (I wasn't) you see about 8 different acts in the night, each only performing for 15min, 3 songs each, except for Carrie who was last and got a half hour.  We did get to see 1 comedian in the mix, he was actually quite funny.  Here's his website

If anyone is familiar with the show Nashville, the girls who play sisters are actually sisters in real life.  And they're amazingly talented.  They are Lennon and Maisy and are only 14 and 9 years old!  I've included a youtube video of one of my favorite songs they do.

The Band Perry also performed, I know most of you know who they are already so no need for a video, they did well though!

Here's Jen and a me in front of the Opry!

The adorable/beautiful Lennon and Maisy

The Beautiful Carrie Underwood!

Downtown Nashville Strip - they actually have a live band karaoke bar called The Wannabe's bar LOL

Famous bar Tootsies

And the 3 Amigos for the weekend
Again, a huge thank you to Jen and Luke for being amazing hosts and letting me come experience Nashville for the first with you guys!

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Urgent Care and Carrie Underwood

So I didn't think I'd be writing this blog quite this often but things just keep happening!  

I found myself in urgent care yesterday, how I got there I can't quite remember considering the amount of pain I was in had me hyperventilating. My mom kept me on the phone (bluetooth handsfree in the car, don't worry) the whole drive there just in case. Turns out I have multiple cysts on my left ovary.  Who knew these little guys could cause so much pain!  So after spending all day at the urgent care, multiple blood draws, a shot in the butt, a CT scan and 2 different types of ultra sounds, I was sent home with a prescription for vicodin at 5:30.  Needless to say, they don't do much for cysts other that manage the pain for you because they typically resolve on their own.  

Now I have a phone call into the fertility clinic to find out if the drugs I was on last month can trigger something like this to happen.  Seems like if it's not one thing its another lately.  

Something exciting and happy to tell you about!?  I get to go to Nashville on Friday for the weekend to see an old and good friend of mine who just moved there!  I'm so excited!  I've never been there before (shocking I know, considering my musical background) and to make things better, we get to see Carrie Underwood at the Grand Ol' Opry!  Many of you know this about me already but in case you didn't I LOVE CARRIE UNDERWOOD!  So I look forward to my fun exciting weekend with my friend Jen and exploring Nashville with her.  I will hopefully have some great pics to post on my next blog and I will tell you all about it!  

I hope everyone has a great weekend as well!  Here's my favorite performance by Carrie.  Grab a tissue, it's beyond moving.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Information Overload

We went to an informational meeting this past Saturday all about adoption and international adoption thru Lutheran Social Services and Children's Home Society (they are partners in adoption services).  A thanks to both our moms for joining us in order to have extra ears there! Talk about a ton of info!  We're more interested in international adoption and of course they didn't get to that until the last hour of the 4hr meeting =) Interestingly, we ended up most drawn to adoption from the Marshall Islands.  Here's a link to their tourism page.

The Marshall Islands ask that to adopt from their country that you keep the adoption somewhat open.  I haven't been open to that in a domestic adoption but am ok in this instance.  The idea that the birth parents can't show up at my door but we can plan a trip to go visit on our terms and that child can know their heritage if they want seems great to both of us.  

Now the catch is this; they expect adopting parents to stop fertility treatments when going thru the adoption process.  Also, if we were to get pregnant, we would need to stop the adoption process.  Seeing as how it would take 1-3 years to actually be placed with an adopted child, I don't want to just stop trying to get pregnant but if we wait to start the adoption process and don't get pregnant in a couple years again, we're that much more behind on the adoption process.  It's totally a catch 22.  

We definitely need some guidance and direction on what to do.  We won't be doing any fertility treatments in the next couple months anyway but if we wait to register to start adoption, we'll be that much more behind.  

Please pray for some guidance for us in which steps to take next.  

Thursday, July 17, 2014

When the World Knocks You Down

So with so many things going on in life and a million things running thru my mind every second of every day, I've decided to start a blog.  Getting things out of my head, whether it's stress, frustrations, recipes or pictures of my cats or niece & nephew, helps me to feel like I'm not alone.  

Many of you know my husband and I have been trying to have a baby for over 2 years now.  There's nothing "wrong" with either one of us so therefore, we're an unexplained infertility case.  I've gone thru several rounds of a couple different fertility drugs and been monitored by a great fertility clinic. Still to no avail. What you may or may not know is this stuff costs quite a bit of money.  So, we won't be doing anything for the next couple of months in order to feel more financially stable. 

That being said, I've decided to sign us up for an adoption informational seminar.  Sounds super fun, right?  I've actually always wanted to adopt (though I want my own children as well).  Since getting pregnant doesn't seem to be working or in God's plan for whatever reason, I want to move forward with some other way for me to have in my life the baby I've desired since I can remember.  

Everyone keeps telling me that God has a plan and even though we don't understand it, He knows best. While my brain agrees with this, my heart is still broken and doesn't understand why God would be ok with breaking my heart over and over. I just pray that whatever His plan is, whenever I get to see it fulfilled, it will be so much better than I could have hoped for myself. 

Until next time, thanks for reading :-)